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Sunday, December 2, 2012

Bioluminescent Pee

This is sunrise at Pointe A Pitre.  Far too late for Wayne to "
cast his bread upon the water."

Guessing you are not too easily grossed out or the headline woulda stopped you.  Or, maybe you’re one of those rubber-neckers, who get queasy but still can’t keep yourself from looking.  Or maybe you cannot resist exploring scientific phenomenon.  In any case, don’t blame me; I just call ‘em as I see ‘em; quirky curiosities are just too intriguing to be kept secret, even if they are a far too prurient for most.

But I digress.

“You gotta check this out!” Wayne exclaimed. This surprised me as I know he was peeing. Despite an appalling and inevitable lack of privacy boating and Wayne’s exhibitionist tendencies, Wayne is kinda shy about peeing in front of me.  Full male frontal nudity ala "A Fish Called Wanda" is one thing.  Doing it while peeing, another.

Yet, there he was, 10 pm, in the industrial port of Pointe A Pitre, Guadaloupe, peeing off the side of our boat (Wayne, proud of his chemistry degree, insists pee is sterile, so I’ll believe him) and inviting me to “check it out.”   Hmmmmm.  I did, of course.

Wayne’s wetness arced into the water. As each drop hit, the water sparkled phosphorescent green.  Fish leapt.  Seriously.  I do not make this kind of s--- up.

Sadly, in the name of science, I was unable to offer another variable.  This was due less to modesty and more practically to my inability to aim in an activity where passing is critical, dribbling unacceptable.

Anyhow, it never happened before (not Wayne’s peeing off the side of our boat – bioluminescent pee).  It’s been two weeks now -- and it’s not happened again (not Wayne’s peeing off the side of our boat – bioluminescent pee). 

Was it something he ate?  The lunar cycle?  Plankton or chemically-altered water?  A break in the space-time continuum?

Inquiring minds want to know.  Does anyone out there have an answer?  A theory?  Speak now, or forever hold your pee.